Chapter 3 - Egg Collection & Embryo Transfer

Well, here we are again! My posts have been infrequent of late, but Chapter 3 is now in motion and there's no time like the present to share our updates...

First of all, let me say that I couldn't be less stressed. It is odd really. I'm sure it is largely due to having so much work on my plate that I barely have time to sleep! That aside, I think there is just a nice 'calm' that comes with knowing the process and understanding the need for patience...and trusting your doctor implicitly. Yes, we LOVE our doctor.

Egg Donor:
We liked the donor from our first pregnancy and we were thrilled with the donor from our second pregnancy, but we LOVE this donor. I've sat and stared at her photo until I feel like I know her. She has the most beautiful smile and I have felt from the time we selected her that she is the one - the one that will bring us our family. She was a first time donor, but had two children of her own. We had no expectation of how many eggs she would produce or what the quality would be. Well, let me tell you how surprised we were when Dr Shivani called to say she collected 32 mature eggs!!! WOW! So, I started to do the math - assuming a 70% fertilization rate we would have 20 embryos - assuming 50% of those were good quality we'd have 10 embryos - 4 for now and 6 to freeze for a second attempt if needed. Are you following my math? Well, let me once again tell you how surprised we were when Dr Shivani called to say that 29 of the eggs fertilized (90% fertilization) and 26 of them were Grade A and 3 were Grade B!!! We transferred 4 Grade A today and froze 22 Grade A and 3 Grade B embryos!!! Enough for probably four more attempts, God forbid we need them.

We have 25 excellent quality FROZEN EMBIES :)

Dr S was thrilled with the results.

Surrogate:
Now, this was the tough thing. Surrogate K (from our last cycle) is what Dr S calls a 'dream surrogate'. I laughed when Dr S said there are 'no shenanigans' with K - I love that word. She takes her meds and never complains. Well, unfortunately, K began bleeding a few days ago and was unable to go through with the embryo transfer today. Fortunately for us, Dr S stayed up most of one night organizing a back up plan. She was able to move another surrogate into our cycle and now K (who is now better) will go to another set of Intended Parents - I think next week. We wish her the best of luck...

Pregnancy test is January 26.

And, if we get a negative, we'll be just fine with 25 fabulous embies in storage!

:)

Christmas Eve Wishes

I can't believe it has been four weeks since our last post! Life remains busy, and blessed. Today is our birthday and we have so much to be thankful for - our friends, our family, our health - the simple fact that we have the financial resources to continue our pursuit for a family. Steve awoke me this morning as he does every morning - by laying my robe at my feet, kissing me and telling me he loves me, but today he added 'Happy Birthday!' - to which I replied the same. He is the love of my life and thank God I am the love of his. My mom arrives from Texas this evening for a long stay and I couldn't be more excited to see her. We haven't seen her since May so this visit is long overdue.

We are cycling again now - with our third egg donor - using the same surrogate from cycle #2. We really want this to work for this particular surrogate and her family as much as we want it for ourselves. Embryo transfer should be in about 3 weeks with pregnancy test at the end of January. We are waiting for the suppression scan results which will tell us how our donor is doing - we went with a first time donor because we just felt good about her. If there is one thing that is evident, there is no definitive way to predict the success of a donor...so, we went with the one with the big brown eyes, beautiful smile and bone structure that had 'confidence' spelled out from ear to ear. The egg donor selection process has been the toughest part of this journey - at least for me. Falling in love with the idea of these women being our baby's biological mother and then having to let go of that notion and fall in love all over again, and now again - this has been challenging.

For all those, like us, in pursuit of parenthood - a short story of inspiration. My dear friend Tandy, whom I've known for over 20 years, called me this week. Her and her husband are spending their first Christmas with their adopted son Jake - he was born in July of this year through an open adoption. A quick run down of their 10+ year journey to Jake: 8 failed IVF self cycles and multiple miscarriages, followed by 2 donor egg cycles including one miscarriage and three attempts with donor eggs and surrogacy (all negative). Then, last fall, they were to adopt a child through an open adoption. The baby was born, given to them and they returned to their hotel to begin the state mandated, 7 day 'waiting period' - during which time the birth mother can 'change her mind' - which she did. On day 2, they drove the baby back to the birth mother and returned home to Dallas, devastated. Then, finally, this past July, Jake arrived. Her call to me was to tell us that we 'should never give up on our dream'.

I love following all our fellow bloggers' stories - some have news coming soon (fingers crossed, you know who you are) - others have crossed into the second or third trimester! Your stories keep our dreams alive. Thank God for this network of cyber-support. We all have our stories - some filled with more drama, some with less - but, the one thing that is consistent is that those with babies are the ones who were relentless in their pursuit. Good luck again to all waiting for a 'positive'. We are sending you love and baby dust.

Merry Christmas to all of you and best wishes for a fabulous 2010!

Love,
Terry and Steve

On To Chapter 3

I've had a week to get comfortable with the idea.

On Monday, Dr Shivani called to tell me there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound - at 6 weeks, 5 days - since egg retrieval. We agreed to wait until Saturday (which was yesterday) just to be sure. Again, no heartbeat.

I was away on an extended, 8 day business trip when the news arrived Monday. The timing was rotten for Steve and I to be apart, but we managed to support one another via phone. Steve is always positive and rarely dwells on disappointments, but this time around I could tell he was having a hard time. He held onto hope all week.

It would be really easy to feel sorry for ourselves - super easy. I can't lie and say we haven't asked aloud 'why'. At the end of the day, though, there are a ton of people in the world facing far greater difficulties than this - it is important to keep perspective. We are strong and so is our relationship. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, and we also knew we were in it for the long haul. So, we will keep trying.

I feel so badly for our surrogate, but Dr Shivani assures me she is doing well. We will now wait for her to be prepared for another cycle. Remarkably, this will likely happen within 5 weeks or so. Given that we didn't have any embryos frozen (same story in both our 2 cycles), we will be selecting a new egg donor.

So, there you have it. Not great news to report, but we are doing just fine and feeling very positive. I do wish we had a crystal ball though - so we could see how long this journey will take - but, as I said in the last post...Patience.

Patience

'...the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset.'

It's Sunday, which means my brain has finally gotten a break from its normal modus operandi - overdrive. I love Sunday - we relax, we cook, we spend time in our outdoor spaces, we go to bed early. It is also a time when I try and sort through emotions and bring some clarity to how I'm feeling about our 'here and now'. No, I am not that deep a person - I promise! I just like to try and find some sense of peace before beginning a new week. Attending mass helps, but we, admittedly, do not make it to mass each and every Sunday. We are going later this morning for a much needed chat with God.

Now, neither of us are patient people. We could both be described as 'annoyed' or 'upset' when faced with a 'delay'...by definition, impatient. So, perhaps, this is a good starting point for priming the upcoming week. I read recently that, as humans, we under-value or 'discount' future reward in favor of a more immediate, short term reward. In baby-making terms, we are so focused on all the benchmarks/tests/hurdles that we lose sight of the future reward! We want a healthy baby - for a lifetime! So, that has to be the focus.

I would say we are getting better at this way of thinking. I have said this before in other postings - I do not like to wait for anything - I always pay for over night shipping! So, perhaps this baby journey is the ultimate life lesson in self improvement.

We received word from Dr Shivani yesterday that drives this point home even further. Our first ultrasound was not great news. The ultrasound done at 5w2d did show a gestational sac, but it was measuring at 4w2d - one week behind. It could be a late implantation or could be an early miscarriage. We have another ultrasound in one week - at 6w2d. If there is no fetal pole at that time, then we will have our answer. We were so incredibly disappointed yesterday, but we have to keep things in perspective.

This journey is filled with highs and lows. If you go back and read others' blogs from start to finish, you will be amazed with the range of emotions - one day on top of the world, the next day in the depths of depression. At the end of the day, you either embrace your own personal life experience and try to learn from it, or you drive yourself completely and totally nuts! All along the way, we've managed to do a little of both. At the present, though, we are doing more of the former - embracing and learning - both about ourselves and the way we react to disappointments. God knows it is not easy, but we are trying our best.

We are not ready to give up on this pregnancy just yet, but we are also prepared for a potential disappointment and prepared for it to be just that - disappointing, not devastating. Been there, done that.

Here's to keeping your eye on the future, long-term reward and not getting hung up in despair along the way...

105!

We jumped from 40 to 105!!! It doubled 1 1/2 times in under 48 hours. So, feeling a bit more relaxed today. Thank you again for all the wonderful, supportive emails and blog postings.

Our first ultrasound is next week.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

(+) Chapter 2

YAY! YAY! YAY!

I just got off an airplane and had a message from Dr Shivani. We just spoke and she gave me the news. Our beta is a little on the low side - 40 - so she is taking another blood test on Friday and will phone with the results. Let's pray it doubles!!

Deep breaths...

I cannot begin to express how much the support from so many of you has meant to us. It is so reassuring to know you have so many people cheering you on and wishing you well. Overwhelming.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

10/28/09

The date of our pregnancy test.

One week from Wednesday, 11 days, 12 nights.

We transferred 4 Grade A embryos to our surrogate today. Steve is convinced this is 'our time'. I'm not sure what to think. I know we've 'stacked the deck' - we have used a proven egg donor who is 22 years old and we have a surrogate with the most positive aura I could imagine. We transferred 4 Grade A's! Odds are very much in our favor, but the thing with odds is that there are no perfect odds...

Truth be told, I am feeling pretty positive about the outcome myself. The reality is this: you worry about getting a positive, then you worry about the hCG blood test rising, then you worry about getting to 12 weeks, then you worry about the triple marker, then you worry about.....

And you worry when you send them off to college. We've embarked on a lifetime of worries and that's the reality. My mother called me this morning to make sure I made it to Washington DC safely - yes, another biz trip. She was, yes, worried. I am, yes, 41. Whether we are pregnant this round or the next or the time after that, the worries will never stop - they've only begun. So, I will vow to stay off Dr Google, focus on productive activities and let nature have her way.

Until 10/28...happy thoughts.