No News IS Good News

And I have virtually no patience - I want everything now - immediate gratification - if it's not in stock, I have no intention of ordering it. It drives Steve crazy. If I must order it, I will always pay for overnight shipping. Just one little burden I bare in life. So, let me tell you how crazy the communication with India makes me - OMG!!! I knew it going in and I experienced the communication lags during the 'courtship' with the clinic and I read about it and continue to read about it on other blogs and forum boards. Several people have written that 'no news is good news' as it relates to getting updates from the clinic...and I think that is a very powerful statement, mindset and way of 'Indian, surrogate, pregnant life'!

For all of you out there with limited knowledge about IVF or the reproductive process in general, there are a series of hurdles - most critically in the first 12 weeks. The first is the Blood Hcg level tests - the first one is generally done at 14 days following egg retrieval and this tells you whether or not you are pregnant. It is essentially testing for an elevation in one particular female hormone. This hormone concentration in the blood should double every 48-72 hours in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. I could write an entire page on this topic, but let me just get to the point. So, there are vast ranges of 'normal' depending upon the week of gestation. Everyone insists the value itself (how high or low the number) is not significant, but the doubling of the value every 48-72 hours (or not doubling every 48-72 hours) is the earliest indicator of either a successful pregnancy or a potential miscarriage.

First Blood Hcg (called 'beta') @ 14 days past egg retrieval = 31 (normal range 16-156)
Second 'Beta' @ 17 days past egg retrieval = 61 (essentially doubled in 72 hours, so OK, barely)

INSERT my psychosis here. I went to this awful, crazy place I tend to go when I cannot control an outcome and it was ugly. We were to wait 4 days for the next update. Ugh. I even went so far as to email Rotunda on Sunday to confirm if we should expect the report by email on Monday morning, Tuesday morning or Wednesday morning. Prompt reply by one of the docs on Sunday afternoon - I was told to expect the report via email on Tuesday morning. So, I was thrilled when Tuesday morning finally arrived. This was a pretty critical benchmark.

No email arrived on Tuesday - I emailed them asking if there was a problem. No response.
No email arrived on Wednesday - I emailed them asking if there was a problem. No response.

The emailed report arrived, finally, on Thursday morning (today).
Third 'Beta' @ 21 days past egg retrieval = 392 (doubled almost 3 times in 4 days, very nice improvement, sigh of relief)

This blood was drawn on Monday of this week and the fourth test will be performed tomorrow, Friday. We are looking for the number to hopefully be at least 1500, at which time they will schedule the first ultrasound. This will verify that the embryo is actually attached in the uterine wall (rather than tubal) and that there is a yolk sac and fetal 'pole'. This will tell us if the pregnancy is viable - huge hurdle.

So, back to this communication 'problem'. It 'is what it is' - and I write this to share with anyone heading down this road with Indian Surrogacy. The clinics are busy - beyond busy - and they simply struggle to keep you informed. I honestly believe they are excellent practitioners of reproductive medicine, but could use a business manager! I saw first hand the sheer numbers of people coming thru the doors - I honestly don't know how they even manage to deliver the service levels that exist today. I can only imagine the number of emails that must go unanswered. I often times get emails from Dr Kaushal or Dr Gouri at 2 or 3am (India time)...often times.

So, I am quite certain the docs 'manage by exception' - meaning they deal with the most critical communications - often problems - first and then get to anything else that time allows. That is the only conclusion to draw. My neurosis over a blood test report was not the most pressing issue - keeping in mind one of their clients lost their twins this weekend at 24 weeks - which has saddened the entire Indian Surrogacy community.

'No news really is GOOD news'. I must remember that for the next eight months or else I might just lose it! So, I vow to repeat this to myself - and pray that the phone does NOT ring.

As an aside - I could have 'Skyped' them and spoken to a live person - and that was the plan should I have awoke to no email today - but I am reserving that right for a full flegded panic attack.

(+)

Yes, folks. We are pregnant!!!!! I will share more later, but I just hung up with Dr Kaushal and she said 'Congratulations!' I cannot begin to tell you how this feels - nothing short of unbelievable. Steve and I were both in tears on the phone.

Thank you, thank you to everyone who prayed for us and sent warm wishes and heartfelt thoughts our way. It has really kept us going the past two weeks.

Terry and Steve

'New Delhi Belly' (via Mumbai)

My boss, who recently returned from a business trip to India shared this catchy phrase with me - 'New Delhi Belly' - cute name for a not so cute stomach situation that hit me about two days after returning to the US, from India. Good Lord. I cannot remember a time where I have spent more days and hours either on the toilet or over the toilet. The strange thing was that it came and went - along with a pretty high fever - every several hours - for several days. Just when I would think it was subsiding, along would come a headache (often times late in the day), followed by fever, followed by a poop-tastrophe. Not funny I can assure you.

I had to fly to Chicago last Tuesday and I knew it was going to be a dangerous journey, but off I went. I had a connecting flight and seriously considered deplaning and not continuing on to Chicago - that is how sick I had become mid-flight. Alas, I made it to Chicago and, amazingly, to work on Wed, Thurs and Fri. Only today have I finally had a meal that didn't consist of soup or yogurt or bread. I swear I have lost 10 lbs - in fact, I know I have. I weighed at the gym this morning (first time at the gym in over a week) and I weighed 155 fully clothed. Yikes! Even with my manorexia issues, that was too thin! So, I had breakfast x2 today and will certainly gain back the 10 lbs by tomorrow. Lunch already sounds appealing.

I still have no idea which meal(s) may have brought this on, but I will most likely live on protein bars and bottled water the next trip because this has been a full on nightmare!

So, taking the day off today (still in Chicago) and preparing for a trade show that commences tomorrow and continues through Wednesday. Work will be nuts the next several days - which is good - keeps me focused on things other than babies. Monday is the the day we get the big news - are we pregnant? or not? My emotions the past two weeks have run from one extreme to another. I am just happy that the day is almost here. Steve is confident it will be a positive and I am confident we will be just fine no matter the outcome.

I will post on Monday once I get the news! Love and thanks to all our friends and family for all the prayers and warm thoughts.

Love,
Terry & Steve

3A, 2B

No, not an airline seating chart…the grading of our embryos. I woke up in my NY hotel room this morning to find an email from Dr. Gandhi at Rotunda – I quietly said a prayer before opening the email. We had, what I had previously referred to as a ‘best case scenario’, 5 embryos! I wanted to call Steve, but it is 3 hours earlier in LA – so I waited until 7:30am, NY time, and woke him at 4:30am. We are both thrilled. All 5 were transferred and, as we had known would likely be the case, none to be frozen. Pregnancy test scheduled for Monday, June 15. Yes, I know, I know – 5 is a lot, even with 2 B’s in the mix, but if there is anything that is certain about this process, it is that nothing is certain about this process. My first call was to one of my oldest and closest girl friends, Dana, who lives in Atlanta. Dana went through two IVF cycles a little over 5 years ago – one failed and one successful – her beautiful son Jack will be 5 this November. In her first cycle, they transferred 3 Grade A embies – pregnancy test, negative. In her second cycle, they transferred 2 Grade B-/C embies – pregnancy test, positive. Anything is possible.

One of Our Grade A Embryos

I am sitting on a plane to fly from NY to Washington DC this morning - as I type this. Caroline Kennedy just boarded next to me – love the Kennedy family. I digress.

Fortunately, I am buried in work so there is little time to worry or obsess – though I’ll make some time for these activities I’m sure. I am back in LA tomorrow evening, Friday – home for the weekend. I leave again next week for an unusually lengthy business trip to Chicago and will be gone for another 8 days. Ugh. In fact, I will be in Chicago when we receive the news of our pregnancy test. I only hope I can make a call to Steve that day to celebrate. He is the eternal optimist – me, the realist. Only time will tell.

I did run across something interesting yesterday – our horoscope on www.astrologyzone.com. I was meeting with one of my sales people in NY yesterday and she (a fellow Capricorn) was sharing that our horoscope (mine, hers, Steve’s) spoke to ‘fertility’ for June. She printed a copy for us and here are some excerpts:

‘June could well go down as one of your happiest months of the year.’

‘If you are already married, the topic of having a baby may come up in June. It’s a lovely time to summon the stork, for planets in Taurus are very fertile and loving. If you want a baby, this month would be the time to make that dream a reality.’

‘If you were hoping to have a baby, this would be a month to seriously prepare for that child’s arrival.’

‘You are clearly ready for a life transformation, and doubly so if you were born early in your sign, say, near December 22-25. You seem anxious for the next chapter of your life to begin and happily, there is no more reason to wait. Indeed, everything in your chart is showing that you are biting at the bit, ready to bolt out of the gate.’

‘Capricorn does not make any moves before they have considered all details thoroughly, so chances are, you’re more than prepared for your next big step than you may have guessed.’

It would appear that the ‘stars are in alignment’ - so to speak - but then again, I am reminded , nothing is certain in life. For the next 11 days, however, I will join Steve and err on the side of optimism – the world can make do with one less realist – at least for now.

Terry

Easy Come, Easy Go

Steve and I have a mantra we live by – a simple understanding that life is all about ups and downs – the basic premise that when you find a few dollar bills in your pant pockets while doing laundry in the morning, you shouldn’t be surprised if you incur an unexpected expense later that day to make it a ‘wash’. Today was the epitome of an easy come, easy go kinda day – not in the financial sense – but more so in an emotional sense. Lucky for me, it began and ended on the side of ‘easy come’. There was a whole bunch of ‘easy go’ in the middle and I’m still a little bogged down in it.

The day started with me up before the crack of dawn and getting a good bit of work done. I knew I had some down time today and the driver that Parashar had hired for us was to take me on a tour of sorts – I had a short list of things I wanted to do and see. My first stop was at a nearby Krishna temple. It was beautiful and the energy was unbelievable. I left my shoes with the guy out front in exchange for a red plastic disc with the #99 – my claim check. There were vignettes behind glass that resembled something from a history museum – mannequins set up to tell a story and a narrative on a plaque next to it – in both English and Hindi. There were scenes depicting the lives of the various Lords, which were interesting - but the most interesting of all was the second one – the one that spoke to the heart of this particular faith. There were adults, children, babies and a skeleton. The caption spoke to the fact that life is a circle and that at a human being’s core is the soul and the Hindu believe that the soul moves from one body to the next as one life ends and another begins. There comes with this notion a sense that you should ‘own’ the body you are given and the circumstances with which you are dealt. At the risk of getting too philosophical, I will stop there, but it was moving and stayed with me throughout the day. There were people chanting and dancing and most importantly, smiling – several engaged with me and grabbed my hand to pull me into the circle of activity. It was the happiest bunch I’ve ever encountered in broad daylight with no mind altering substances involved – at least I don’t think there were mind altering substances involved? I stood, watched, pondered and then placed Rs 100 in the offering box and asked Lord Ganesha to remove any obstacles standing in the way of our pregnancy. Away I went to retrieve my shoes and head to my next stop. Now, being a good Catholic boy, I felt obliged to be an equal opportunity thither and headed up to a beautiful, old Catholic church on a hillside (behind the Taj Lands End Hotel) – near the coast line. (Not to digress, but I was amazed at the number of Catholic churches in Mumbai.) I went down to the altar, said my business with the Trinity and, again, placed Rs 100 in the offering box. At this point, I’m feeling pretty darn pleased with my day, my life and myself.

Entrance to the Krishna Temple Near Juhu Beach

Another View

For those of you who aren’t aware, there is a family in Mumbai who are richer than all but about 3 other people in the world. They are in the midst of constructing a high-rise home for themselves in South (Old) Mumbai – literally, tens of stories high. We recently sold them furniture for this little piece of real estate and I wanted to see the place for myself. So, I asked the driver to take me to the home of the owner of ‘xyz’ company – he knew little English, but knew exactly who and what and where – and we headed that direction. Now, I must say the poverty was evident up in Juhu near the hotel – there were slums everywhere, but it wasn’t until we took this drive to South Bombay that it became, for the first time, overwhelming. The drive took over an hour and a half, but could not have been more than 25kms. At moments we sat parked in traffic for 2 or 3 minutes at a time. During these moments, the homeless – who beg aggressively – would approach the car and literally throw themselves against the glass and would not move away – all the while begging in perfect English for some mercy and becoming belligerent when you don’t hand it over – it is painful. You don’t see a ton of westerners – in fact, you see very few outside the large hotels – so these folks flocked to the car when they saw my white ass in the back with an Indian driver in the front – and it was no limo, trust me – but there was a perception that I had some money. The worst part for me was how many of them were disfigured or amputees. I asked Parashar about this and he shared with me that many of them disfigure themselves in order to assist their begging efforts – others remove an appendage to cure an ailment because they have no access to healthcare. Ok. That was too much information. I saw ‘Slumdog’ just like everyone else, but seeing it in person is a horse of a different color.

The trip back featured stops by two beautiful Mosques, a stop at a juice stand that the driver said is ‘famous’ and was so busy I’d be willing to purchase stock if they went public (I treated myself to pomegranate and the driver to apple) - and a lesson on why some Indian men wear turbans (while most do not), why some Indian women have dots both between their eyes and at their hair line (while many do not) and why there are live goats, chickens and cows at all the markets – short answers – family tradition(s), married versus single and to be sold for food – with the exception of the cows which are apparently only for the Muslims – the Hindus want nothing more from a cow than milk – they are too sacred to be eaten.

For those of you traveling to/from the US, all the flights depart back to the states in the evening – which means you pay for an extra night at the hotel or check out and be, essentially, homeless for the afternoon and evening hours. I opted for homeless and grew to regret it. The hotel gave me a late checkout at 3pm, but I still had some 8 hours to kill. We did the best we could to fill the time, but by 5pm I decided I would rather go to the airport and get some work done so I could sleep on the plane. All I can say is that leaving the Mumbai airport is not nearly as easy, or pleasant, as arriving – to say the least!

1. Hunt through mounds of people to find a tiny entrance to the terminal and get turned away because you need to walk 20 ft to another entrance for ‘that airline’.

2. Be turned away by a second security guard because you ‘cannot enter the airport until 3 hours before your flight’. Ok, that would be 8pm and it was now 5:30 and 95 degrees and 95% humidity outside! I must have argued with this man for 15 minutes – who was armed by the way. Who in the world says you cannot enter an air-conditioned space when it is sweltering hot outside – much less a public space? This guy was really getting on my nerves. Suffice it to say I got in the airport - and not in hand cuffs I might add. I even managed a smile out of him – more than I can say for the nurse at Rotunda that I now refer to warmly as Tiny. They actually have a flight manifest for every airline and every flight departing and they check for your name – if you are not on the list, you cannot get into the airport. Thankfully, I was on the list. I suppose you cannot walk in and buy a ticket. This was a first for me. Highly annoyed.

3. Security screening. Hmmm. I am all about consistency and let me tell you there is nothing consistent about this process – thorough you might say, but not consistent. Oh, almost forgot the Rs 600 ‘departure tax’ that Continental levied in exchange for my boarding pass – I am convinced it was a scam but I was too tired to push the issue and I asked a gate agent who was an employee, not a contract worker, who said it was new (and legit) and in the future would be included in fares. I need to make a note to loop back on this. I paid cash and it took 10 minutes for them to get me change. Highly annoyed.

4. Passport Control – check nothing. Immigration – check passport and boarding pass. Security screening – do not ask for passport or boarding pass but insist on seeing my nail clippers and sharing a laugh amongst themselves as they inspected them. No clue here. Shoes stayed on as you walk through metal detector. Gate area – check passport and boarding pass AND go thru another metal detector and baggage x-ray. Shoes came off. Hand-wanding and pat down. This time they took my cell phone apart, fully unwrapped Lord Ganesha and interrogated me about the material from which he was carved and why I bought him. Highly annoyed. Boarding Agent – check passport but do not ask for boarding pass (yes, that is correct). Uniformed agent at top of jet way – check boarding pass but not passport – maybe there is a system after all? Uniformed agent at bottom of jet way along with armed guard – check passport and boarding pass. I hate to complain about security because it is needed – no doubt – but this became ridiculous. There was also one last interrogation by the guy at the bottom of the jet way. I’m exhausted. And annoyed. Highly annoyed.

Now back to how the day ended on ‘easy come’ – just the way it started. I was in Continental’s Business First cabin (upgrade on miles) – to Newark – stopping in NY for business en route home to LA. Maybe not a huge deal, but the seat next to me was empty – and I got extra space and two feather pillows – see, I’m not really all that hard to please.

Note to self: do not lie to get upgraded. We were delayed leaving Mumbai because a woman asked for my empty, neighboring first class seat – she claimed her infant (in arms) was running a fever and she needed the child to be comfortable. Come on lady – I am not one to lie and I could have crafted something better than that on command. Not only did she not get upgraded, the captain tossed her off the plane! When he told her she had to deplane if her child was sick, she said the kid’s fever had just broken – in the last five minutes? Whatever crazy. She sure was standing in the jet way as the boarding door closed. Bummer.

Air carriers: if you have a choice between Delta (non-stop from Atlanta) and Continental (non-stop from Newark) - especially if you are using miles to upgrade – go with Delta. They score better on the seat, service and food – much better.

I will update on the embryo transfer on Thursday once I hear from the docs. I certainly am eager to hear how many and what grade – that is why I created this blog after all – to talk about making babies. I am trying not to obsess but it isn’t working.

Steve, I am almost home honey – two more days. I miss you so much. Thank God for Skype.

Jackie and Lisa B - enjoy Mumbai this week! Sorry we missed each other this trip.

Terry

Ganesha

Well, it has been quite a day. I left the hotel at 9am - arrived at Rotunda at 9:30 and was there until after 1pm. Details to follow...

After leaving the clinic, I had told Parashar that I wanted to make a couple of purchases - I always like to take something special home from each newly visited part of the globe - and, being the first trip to India, I wanted something cool. Steve and I have a growing collection of carved pieces on the shelves above our bed - there are two beautiful Buddhas from previous trips to Thailand and a Boomerang from our time in Australia. Steve and I had talked about getting a 'snake charmer's whistle' (insert joke here for those who know my hometown is proud to be the home to the Miss Snakecharmer Pageant) but I couldn't find one so I shifted gears and began to search for a carving of one of the Hindu Gods. In steps Ganesha...

As I went through the various teak pieces - all hand made and pretty amazing - I looked at everything from the God of Finance to the God of all Gods, Krishna. I kept being drawn to the elephant headed man - familiar image - we've all seen it before - I just never knew the story. Turns out Ganesha is the God for Removal of Obstacles. Hmmm. We want to be pregnant and have gone to pretty extreme lengths to try and get there. I had just wrapped up at the clinic and there is nothing more to do now but wait. So, as I studied the different carvings, Parashar came over and said ' you know, Ganesha brings good fortune and removes obstacles'. Well, no I didn't know that, but sounds like Ganesha is going over the bed, back in LA. It is wrapped up neatly for travel and I don't want to unwrap him so here is an image to show you what I am talking about. Familiar to all I'm sure.

I'll continue the search for a whistle but will be rubbing the elephant's head in the meantime...

Rotunda is about the size of most of my client's terraces. Seriously. I bet the entire space is 1500sf - if that. In that space there is an operating room for the egg retrieval and insemmination procedures, a small recovery space, lavatory, lab room, semen collection room and two small offices - oh, and a lobby that was busier than any doctor's office I've ever seen. I was exhausted just by watching the people in and out of the place. I arrived at 9:30 and was taken back to one of the offices to meet with Dr Gupta. She advised that the egg donor's procedure was for 11am and that I should provide my semen sample at approximately 10:30am. I would meet with Dr Kadam a bit later...she is the Director of the Egg Donor Program. Shortly after they sent me into one of the other small rooms to have blood drawn. Now, the doctors are lovely - really, sincerely nice. This tiny woman, who I guess was a nurse, however, was dreadful. I could not get that woman to smile for the life of me. First of all, she was about the shortest person I've ever seen aside from a midget and had the personality of the syringe she stuck me with. Anyway, whatever. Then I headed with my specimen cup to the 'semen collection room'. Yuck. I must admit, I was pretty worked up about the whole experience, so worked up in fact that I had little interest in the porn I brought along for 'assistance'. I was fairly certain they might knock on the door to see if I was alive before I made something happen. In the end, everything came out alright - at least the doctor's said so after peering at it through a microscope.


So, this now took me back to the lobby by 11am. Where was my egg donor? You could not chase a cat in the place and I did not see her anywhere - I had studied her picture so I knew I would know her instantly. After obsessing for several minutes I decided that, perhaps, she was in this small hallway around the corner - near the operating room. I saw that the lavatory was down that way so I rounded the corner - mind you all of about five feet away from where I was sitting, but around the corner - and there she was. All 5' of her. Now, she is not as short as the lab girl, but short - but also very cute. She had no way of knowing who I was and I believe she had both her mother and her aunt with her - at least that is who I decided they were. They were too old to be patients and not dressed to be staff. The bathroom was occupied which was perfect because it gave me a bit more time to study every detail of her...when she wasn't looking of course - yes, I was discreet. I did share a quick smile with her, but she looked scared to death. I felt really horrible for the poor thing and would have loved to speak with her, but it would have been fully inappropriate and I doubt anyone would have appreciated it. She was in surgery for over an hour and then I heard them wheel her into the small recovery room behind the lobby. She was still there when I left at shortly after 1pm.

So, my meeting with Dr Kadam...well, not the best news, but not anything to freak over. They only harvested 9 eggs from the donor. They generally hope for something in the low teens. The doc was really great and immediately told me that she would do ICSI on all nine eggs to ensure the highest possible fertilization rate. Good case would be 3 or 4 embryos and best case would be 5 or 6 (unlikely, but possible). That means no freezing extras which means no baby if this cycle fails. We would have to pay for another egg donor and another surrogate and, essentially, start over. Or we could end up with a litter which is what happens sometimes when you implant 5 or so embryos. Nothing to do now but wait and give it up to a higher power. I'm totally cool with that and, if we get a 'negative' in 2 weeks then we'll just save our pennies and try, try again.

PS - ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection) - means they inject the egg with one sperm to fertilize it. Generally 70-80% fertilize with this procedure. So, with 9 eggs - 6 embryos is about the best case.

ICSI Treatment - Sperm Injection

Now, last but certainly not least of this three ring circus was the following...Dr Gupta asks me 'would you like to meet the surrogate?' What? I had heard all along that this was tabu. Well, it turns out she was coming in for her final blood work at noon and they would allow us to meet briefly. So, we met - and, the woman was so shy I thought she was going to pass out. She spoke very little English and would not make eye contact with me or the doctor - she just smiled and kept her head down. She is 29 and has two boys of her own. I kept it brief because she was clearly uncomfortable. I thanked her and she smiled. I am glad I had the opportunity to see her - she seems to have a very kind soul. Now let's just hope her uterus likes my ICSI treated, egg donor's eggs!

Thanks for all the warm thoughts and well wishes.

Terry

Mumbai for a Jiffy - Literally 72 hours, but who's counting?

Well, after more than 11,000 miles, I am finally in Mumbai. I cannot believe this journey started only 2 1/2 months ago and here I am in this far-away place - filled with much anticipation, but really just feeling blessed to be taking this amazing ride - whatever the outcome.

I have learned so much from the Americans and other non-Indian couples who have journeyed down this path before me - through their blogs and emails, I found the reassurance and confidence to do this and Steve easily jumped on board. I will back track and write about the steps thus far, but first want to share my initial reflection on Mumbai.

I traveled for the better part of 24 hours to get here - 5 hours LAX to ATL and then 17.5 hours from ATL to BOM. Yes, I cashed in some of those Delta Skymiles and sat up front - I have flown close to two million miles over the years and can honestly say it was the best long-haul first class experience I've had - better than the Asian carriers. I flew on the Delta 777 configured Business Elite cabin with lie flat seats (not the old version seats on the 767, these are very different and much better). The layout is a little crazy like something out of a sci fi flick, but the service, the food and the comfort factor were all A+. The seat itself was not particularly comfortable in the lie flat position, but there were so many adjustments on the seat that all you had to do was play with it to get it into your own personal 'sleep # setting'. Two movies, 1/2 a Chelsea Handler book, 7 hours sleep and many trips to the lavatory later and I arrived in Mumbai - albeit 2 hours late - just before midnight on Saturday, May 30. Yes we were an hour late leaving Atlanta and another hour in a holding pattern over the Arabian Sea so the flight was 2 hours longer than planned - scheduled flight time 15.5 hours - actual 17.5 hours.

The customs arrivals process was simple and pretty quick - the airport was humid and musty, but surprisingly modern and clean. The first stop was a somewhat chaotic counter with no lines, huge floor fans moving around hot air (and all sorts of interesting odors) and six or seven plain clothed Indian personnel wearing medical masks. This first stop was to have our 'Swine Flu Declaration' stamped. This was ridiculous. First of all, these 'Swine Flu' forms were the reason for a late departure in Atlanta. Someone at the gate had forgotten about the Indian government requirement (apparently) and we had to wait for them to be printed off a laser printer at the gate...300 of them approximately. The flight was full - not one empty seat. So, after being pushed and shoved into a position at the counter, a woman looks at my form, glances at me, says nothing and stamps it. What did the form declare? I checked boxes saying I had no fever and did not believe I had been around anyone with flu symptons. Huh? Yes, a highly effective deterrent to boarding someone with flu exposure. Not.

Once past this station, there was fairly quick movement through to customs/passport control - there must have been 50 or so agents and I was through there in 5 minutes - tops.

Then onto customs declaration which was the point past baggage claim. There was one small baggage screening section and a line that was 10 people wide narrowing to this one little machine with two workers. I stood there for 10 minutes without moving and then decided to walk around the other side of the screening area to an agent who looked at me and let me walk right through...past 100 or more people. I have no idea. Then a long corridor past aggressive currency exchange agents all trying to pull your attention so they can trade your currency at an inflated rate. Keep walking. Finally, you exit the airport and there are literally thousands of people behind ropes holding signs for car pick up. Saturday night I am told is particularly busy. Luckily, my guy was right up front holding my name on a card front and center. I exhaled for the first time in 20 minutes. It took only about 5 minutes for his co-worker to bring around the car and only another 20 minute ride to arrive at the JW Marriott on Juhu Beach. My concierge is Parashar with www.yourmaninindia.com. He was referred by Mike A and Mike B in Boston who used him and he is the kindest, most patient man - and immediately put me at ease. The cost for his services is approximately $30 per day + approximately $30 per day for transportation (unlimited from 10am - 6pm) - well worth it. You don't want to do this alone! Today there are no charges as I am on my own.

I wasn't really too sure what to expect upon arriving here. I had heard so much about the mounds of people and chaos, but, to be honest, I find it no less stressful than any other large, developing city. Parts of Athens looked like much of Mumbai prior to be awarded the Olympics as I recall and the traffic and sanitation are not unlike parts of Bangkok. Yes, the driving is mayhem and there are no lanes and rickshaws EVERYWHERE coming at you from all sides - it is amazing more people aren't hit, but nothing terribly out of the ordinary.

Now, Parashar and I agreed that I would hang out at the hotel today, Sunday - maybe get some sun at the pool, get some work done, rest. He is to pick me up tomorrow, Monday, June 1 and drive me to Rotunda (the Center for Human Reproduction) for the Egg Pick Up and IVF. My appointment to provide my semen sample is at 10am - the exact time of the scheduled Egg Donor's 'Egg Pick Up'. I bid good bye to Parashar and he agreed to pick me up on Monday morning at 9am for the 30 minute ride to Rotunda from the hotel. He plans to take me sightseeing in the afternoon and says he will provide a local cell phone so I do not incur roaming charges on my US mobile phone.

One last word on the hotel: security is tight, which is good, but at first alarming. When you pull into the gates, there are many security personnel along with bomb sniffing dogs. The hood is raised along with the trunk and mirrors hanging from sticks are run under the car as part of the inspection. At the entrance to the hotel there is a metal detector and baggage screening belt - not unlike any federal building in the US, but certainly not something you generally see at a hotel. This hotel, I am told, was targeted for the November 2008 attacks, but were foiled in their attempts at this particular property - so, security is high. The service industry here is unlike anything in the West - they walk you to the room and expect no tip - there is little expectation of being compensated for common courtesy and general assistance - they see it as their job. Unlike the US where we place tip jars at the counters in Starbucks! It is refreshing and it makes you want to offer cash gratuity.

I am a long time Marriott Frequent Guest so I was given access to the Executive Lounge. Unlike many of the US properties, the lounge is open 7 days a week and there are not just snacks but full buffet spreads at various times throughout the day. Breakfast was amazing and I had two different people serving me at any given time. All is complimentary.

View From the Hotel Lobby Looking Out Toward the Arabian Sea

View Out the Front of the Hotel Toward Street Entrance (Security Checkpoint)

After breakfast I decided to take a walk. Parashar had advised against strolling on the beach today as he said it was 'Sunday which is a holiday for locals and the beach is not safe for tourists'. This sounded a bit paranoid to me and of course I was curious so I headed out for a little exploration. Attached are some pictures of what I found...a little scary. Note the live cow. I did get accosted by some young Indian boys who began to throw rocks and laugh - I couldn't understand a word they were saying, but I don't think it was good and I heard some variation of 'American', so I headed back to the hotel.




Google: 'Gay Surrogate India'. What you will find are various links to a laundry list of news articles and You Tube videos with one recurring story about an Israeli same sex, male couple who had a baby through surrogacy in India. This is how it all started for us. The clinic the couple used - Rotunda, The Center for Human Reproduction in Mumbai, India.

Simply put, we couldn't afford the $100,000+ USD it requires to go through the Egg Donor/IVF/Surrogacy process in California. Yes, California is one of the premier locations for such services in the world and there are a host of facilities that cater to same sex couples, but at prices that only a select few can actually afford. So, I went on an informal 'google' search for options in other countries. I figured if you could adopt internationally then perhaps you could do other things internationally too. Low and behold, the unfolding world of Medical Tourism in India and the evolving reproductive therapy business in India. I had no idea what I was about to learn.

The reality for gay men seeking to build a family is as follows:

1. Adoption in the US is filled with uncertainty - the birth mother can change her mind even though she has assured you otherwise. We had a straight couple - close friends of ours - enter an open adoption in California recently. The baby was born and handed over to our friends - the following day the birth mother called and asked for the baby back. Heartbreak. The length of the 'window' for birth mothers to reassert parental rights is different by state. Bottom line - too risky for us.
2. Adoption outside the US is not allowable for single men (much less coupled men) - single women yes, single men no. Sure there are ways around it if you know the right people, but there are no guarantees and the costs are not insignificant - the costs are in fact very significant.
3. Surrogacy in the US - as I mentioned - expensive. The contracts are also risky and there have been instances of surrogates asserting parental rights. We have also had friends who experienced nightmares with unsophisticated surrogates who ate poorly, smoked, drank or worse. You limit some of this risk by selecting a well established agency, but you pay dearly - thousands upon thousands in agency fees.
4. Surrogacy in India - legal, gay friendly, affordable, less risky. Lots of people have written about this before me, but here are the key points. There is legislation set to go before the Indian Parliament to provide more specific legal support for the process - it is somewhat unregulated at present - there are guidelines in place but no real oversight to ensure compliance. There are three main clinics in Mumbai - yes, there are countless others, but the three main ones are Rotunda, Surrogacy India and Dr Patel (in Anand). The two former are open and willing to working with gay couples - the latter is not. The estimated costs for egg donor + surrogacy (excluding travel expenses and unforseen medical complications) is approximately $28,000 USD. These costs are ever changing and have gone up significantly in the past few years. You can read more about Rotunda on their web page www.iwannagetpregnant.com. There has been no recorded incidence of an Indian surrogate asserting parental rights over the child she has carried and birthed - not one. There are a host of reasons not the least of which is cultural acceptance.

We only contacted Rotunda - we started there and ultimately signed on with them.

The Process:

1. Wait for forms to arrive via email. Visit a local notary public and have them signed - send via UPS or similar carrier so you have tracking. It takes things about 4 or so days to arrive and costs around $50 for the air courier fees.
2. Deposit Rs 60,000 via wire transfer to register in the program. Note on this: because all rates for Rotunda are quoted in Rupees, I did the first wire transfer in Rupees. I got killed on the exchange rate with Bank of America, my bank. The rate was roughly 7% more than anywhere else I looked on line. On subsequent wire transfers, I sent the amount in USD and the clinic's bank in India did the exchange which saved me big time on the currency swap.
   
3. The doctors at Rotunda will ask you to send them six separate lab reports. Visit your local physician and request the following blood screening: (1) HIV antibody test, (2) Hepatitis B antibody test, (3) Hepatitis C antibody test, (4) Blood Typing and RH. You will also be asked for a (5) Semen Culture as part of this lab work. Now, my primary care doctor at Cedars had no clue what this was, but he requested it. When I got to the lab for the blood to be drawn, they were equally as confused. After several phone calls, it was determined that all I need to do is provide a semen sample and off I went to the men's room with a specimen cup and my laptop. The confusion on this point was that a semen culture does not require immediate testing of the sample - meaning that you can provide the semen sample and they can culture it later - they are checking for STD's and bacteria. You will also be asked to have a (6) Semen Analysis - this one MUST be fresh - they must test it within 30 minutes or so. I went to a local, male fertility clinic for #6 and paid $150 for this report which covers a whole bunch of details as it relates to your swimmers. They look at # of sperm per milliliter, volume in the ejaculate, motility (what % are moving), morphology (what % are normally shaped) and a handful of other things. Anyway, given that the process is done via IVF (in a lab dish) you only have to be slightly fertile to make it work. So, the fact that I had a low sperm count became irrelevant - they are just checking to make sure you are not completely infertile. If you have even one sperm - they have a process by which they inject it directly into the egg to feritilize it - pretty amazing. For those who are wondering - normal count is anything over 20 million per milliliter - YES - 20,000,000!! I had 18 million. What causes low sperm count? Drinking, smoking and everything else I did in my 20's and 30's. Ugh.
4. Scan reports into email and forward to Rotunda.
5. Deposit Rs 200,000 for Egg Donor Fees and IVF + Rs 45,000 if you wish to have any supernumerary embryos (those that aren't implanted in the first cycle) frozen for future use + Rs 150,000 for Surrogate Preparation. This is it for fees until you determine if you are pregnant. For reference - $1 USD = approximately Rs 49.00.
6. Wait.
7. Wait.
8. Wait.
9. I had a couple of panic attacks from not hearing back from Rotunda. The longest gap was 3 weeks. I was reassured by several of their clients - whom I met on line - that this happens and that the clinic is very busy and somewhat short staffed. I can tell you that it was approximately one month from first contact until they emailed us 5 egg donor profiles to select from.
10. Pick your egg donor. You will get a handfull of PDF files emailed to you by the clinic. You have a small headshot, age, weight, height, Caste (Muslim, Hindu) and basic medical and fertility history (previous pregnancies including any abortions) and education/occupation. Our first donor selection ended up being unavailable because she ended up pregnant by her husband - not meant to be. So, we asked for additional profiles (we didn't prefer any others from the first lot). They were emailed over and we re-selected. They are all named with initials as the entire process is anonymous and we will never meet either the egg donor or the surrogate. The surrogate was selected for us - with no input from us - but they did send us her profile so we could see all the same information as was on the egg donnor profiles.
11. Wait for the egg donor to begin her medications/stimulation - which begins upon commencement of her menstrual cycle.
12. Wait for date from Rotunda to fly to India - generally a 3 day window.
13. Fly to Mumbai.
14. Pray, be open minded and know that everything happens for a reason and whatever the outcome will be, will be.
15. To Be Continued...