21 Months

Is it really possible that the last time I posted here was 9 months ago?  Is it also possible that since I last logged into Blogger there have been so many developments - Doug and Bill have a baby girl, Jason & Adrian have twin girls, Meg is at 36-37 weeks, Mandy (third trimester), TJ (second trimester)...and more that I probably haven't gotten around to reading yet.  WOW!  Congrats to all of you.  Jag and Ajay will be 21 months old on Monday.

Before we had the boys I had so many people tell me that I would not realize how much free time I once had...they were right.  I had no idea how much free time I had!  The truth of things now is that we have little time for anything except the boys.  As I was reading through the blogs just now, I realized how much I miss keeping up with everyone's lives and celebrating all the miracles.  It really is an amazing community of people - all of you.  I will try and post again before 9 more months pass...

Life is pretty wonderful.  I still work constantly and Steve chases the boys around all day.  Weekends are all about the four of us being together.  The kids are very attached to Steve - he can't leave the room without a meltdown (x2).  I literally have to distract them so he can sneak out and mow the lawn!  We just Skyped (I am away on business this weekend) and the screams of DA-DA and the non-stop waving at the screen and saying BYE, BYE, BYE are all very fresh.  I miss them so much.  We realize we have to teach them not to say 'Bye' until someone is actually leaving!  'Bye' has become both hello and goodbye.  Steve and I are going away on a real vacation for the first time since 2008 - we are going to Thailand for 2 full weeks.  It is much needed.  Grandma and Nana are holding down the fort, the dogs - and most importantly the boys.  Yes, we are leaving them for two weeks.  I still can't believe it myself.  Steve is going to flip after a few days, I'm sure.  He's going to see how it feels to Skype with the boys - both amazing and miserable all wrapped up together.  Thank God for technology and thank God even more for our mothers!  They are the very best baby sitters in the whole world...

Here are some recent pics of the boys.  Jag was the bigger baby and he continues to be the bigger boy - he is about 3 inches taller than Ajay.  I hope all of you have an amazing summer!  Steve is very pleased with his landscaping - everything is maturing and in full bloom - he has been at it for two years and the results are pretty spectacular.

Love,
Terry, Steve, Jag & Ajay

Happy 1st!

What a great day!  On a day otherwise marked by tragedy, our little faces of hope celebrate the day they joined our family and changed our lives forever.  They bring us so much joy every single day...

Here they are in their 'birthday suits'!

I bought these Ganesha figurines in Delhi and they were perfect for our Indian inspired cake.

A Year Later

Ok, so it is not quite their birthday, but it is getting close...two weeks from today the boys will be one year old!  More pictures at that point, but I wanted to do a quickie update.

All is well.

We have managed to survive the HOT summer in Dallas.  We have had over 60 days of 100 degree (38 C) temperatures.  It has been the second hottest summer on record for Dallas...lucky us that we moved here, huh?!?!?!  We took a trip to LA to get out of the heat, show off the boys and see our dear friend Rita awarded her doctoral degree.  Of course, the weather there was amazing.  The boys screamed the entire flight - both ways!  We have become those people that I stare at on flights...the ones with out of control kids.  Yikes!  Even so, being back in LA and seeing everyone - and yes, the cool breezes, made the trip totally worth it!

Both boys have quite a few teeth.
They stand and squat without help, but no steps just yet.
Meal time is fun for all of us...we end up with more food on their face, our clothes, the walls, floor, etc than we do in their mouths.  Sometimes they cry in the high chair and sometimes they laugh as in this quickie video...Steve keeps dropping the spoon and that is just cracking Jag up!

Here are a few shots from our trip to LA...

Second Parent Adoption

The boys are 9 months old tomorrow.  Time really does pass so quickly.  All is simply wonderful. 

The Dallas Voice published an article today that does a really nice job of telling our story.  I would like to thank Tammye Nash, Senior Editor, for being so thorough and for telling our story with such honesty.  http://www.dallasvoice.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/06-10-2011.pdf

Steve's adoption was final on June 1.  We went through the family court system in Dallas and it was really quite simple and the costs were minimal.  I will say that the quoted legal fees were vastly different from one attorney to the next.  The person we used had handled an adoption for some friends of ours (another same-sex, male couple) and he was efficient and his prices were very reasonable.  We went before the judge answered affirmatively to a series of questions and the judge issued the adoption decree - done!  We were in court for all of five minutes.

Here are some images from the courthouse on adoption day...

Much Love,
Terry, Steve, Jag and Ajay

Nana & PawPaw...and Jag's Bedhead

Quickie post.  The boys are 7 months old the day after tomorrow.  I had these pictures on my camera from last weekend and I knew my parents wanted to see them.  I am off to the airport in about two hours for an 8 day business trip to Europe.  I have been gone almost every week lately which is so tough on me - in terms of missing the family.  Really tough.  Gainfully, and happily employed so always smiling, but miss my family terribly.  The only consolation is that coming home is so special.  I returned yesterday from a two day trip and I have been with the boys non-stop for the past day.  They are so amazing...Jag is pretty much crawling...inching along, pulling his legs up and inching forward.  They are doing really well on solids and they are sleeping a full 11 hours a night without waking!  (insert big smile here)

Here are pics with my parents from their visit last weekend and a morning shot of Jag's bedhead!  I attempted to give him a haircut yesterday and he is looking a little like a punk rocker!

Hope everyone is well.  Maybe I will have some time on my flight to Barcelona today to catch up on blogs...that would be a treat.

Love,
Terry, Steve, Jag & Ajay

Ready For Our Close-Ups

So, now that the boys are eating some solids, I have resorted to feeding them in only a diaper.  It is such a mess with the pureed food - all over us, the table, the floor and their clothes.  So, feeding in a diaper is a beautiful thing!  By the way, they are getting quite good with the food - much more going down their throat and much less running down their chest...Ajay has learned a new trick which is to blow instead of suck...so he blows food all over everything...he has also found it is fun to do this with his bottle.  He sits and blows bubbles into his bottle rather than sucking.  Slightly annoying but look at these pics and tell me if you could honestly be too annoyed!

So, what are the odds that when I put them in their chairs for feeding that they both assume the exact same position - leaning to the right, attempting to climb out of their seats!  Had to grab some quick photos.  I did not pose them - they did this all on their own.

They are so much fun these days...need lots of entertaining (they bore quite easily), but they are pure joy to us. 

Hope everyone is well out there.  I have lots of 'blog catching up' to do - I just saw a couple of births and some positive pregnancy tests!  Congrats to all!!

20 Weeks

Whew.  Literally out of breath.  I have started nothing short of 10 times to write this, but the two little cuties in the pictures below would have nothing of it!  Steve is working outside because we finally have some warm weather (although we are back below freezing starting tomorrow according to weather.com).  So, with Steve outside, that means I am inside and that means I am POOPED!  Exhausted.  Honestly, hats off to all the full time mom and dads out there - it is (as many reading this know) the most emotionally rewarding and draining job on the planet.  All this said, I've had such a great time with the boys this weekend.  I have been with them non-stop...no work, no computer...just me and the boys. 

They are, as the title says, 20 weeks old.

Developments since my last posting - solid food (we love peaches, bananas, pears and really anything sweet), supported sitting (as you see in the photos below), rolling from tummy to back and vice versa (and across the room!).  Sleeping 6 hours between feeds :) and male pattern balding!  So all are cute developments except the idea that they want daddy's hairdo.  Hmmm.  Ajay went completely bald and now it is grown back like a military flat-top.  Jag is bald only on the back - we have somehow managed to keep those beautiful tresses in front - perfectly coiffed! They each sport a nice little round, bald spot right smack in the back of their heads where they lay all the time.  At their four month check up they each weighed around 15 1/2 lbs.  Ajay has pretty much caught up with Jag on all fronts - I suspect he will be the first to crawl based on his rolling expertise.  We left the room for a moment the other day and came back to find him all the way across the room!

All is well in Dallas.  Although winter is mild here, we've still had to get used to forced heat in the house (and the dry skin that comes with it).  My mom is coming next weekend so we are all excited about that!

Sorry for being so out of touch with everyone out there in blog land.  I miss the time to sit and read all the updates and miss the time to write myself.  I am shooting for at least one update a month...that seems totally reasonable.

We hope you enjoy viewing the photos as much as we enjoyed taking them!

Love,
Terry, Steve, Jag and Ajay

Merry Christmas!

 

Happiest of Holidays from Our Family to Yours!

Love,

Terry, Steve, Jag & Ajay

Twelve Weeks

On one hand it feels like we just celebrated the boys' birth yesterday...on the other hand I find myself asking ' has it really only been 3 months?'.  All is well...growing like weeds...grins are plentiful at the sound of our voices or eye contact.

As I type this, I am on an early, Saturday morning flight from Miami to NY.  This is a long trip - I am five days into a ten day business trip.  Today, day five, officially marks the longest period I have been away from the boys since their birth.  I am so sad but at the same time, I know it will just make my return home even that much more special.  Steve and I were able to Skype briefly last night and it is simply amazing how much they change in only five days.

All this said, we had the most beautiful Thanksgiving, purchased our Christmas tree and had it fully trimmed - along with the exterior lighting on the home - before I left on November 29th.  We love our new home in Dallas and we couldn't feel more blessed about our life.

The boys are now going as long as 5 - 5 1/2 hours between feedings which is a nice improvement from 3 hours!  We have had a bit of difficulty finding the right formula...both boys are 'guzzlers' which results in lots of spit up.  It is not unusual for them - when really hungry - to 'down' 7 ounces in 5 minutes.  Then we have 1/4 of that coming back up over the course of the next hour.  We have tried no lactose, low lactose, soy...you name it.  We put them on Gerber's Good Start last week and it seems to have made a nice difference.  The proteins are whey, and are broken down more fully than in other brands.  As a bonus, a close friend's mother works for the parent company of Gerber and we are able to buy the formula by the case at half price!  So, fingers crossed that some varietal of this brand will work.

We also had a nice surprise in November...friends in Dallas through a second shower.  These were all friends who were unable to attend the LA shower earlier this year.  Actually, my friends who hosted, called it a 'Sip and See'...essentially, a baby shower done after the birth where the adults stand around, drink, and fuss over the babies.  Pretty fun! My friend Carrie's mother knitted cardigans for both boys...we LOVE them!

Happy Holidays to everyone and best wishes for lots of healthy pregnancies and births in 2011!

Love,
Terry, Steve, Jag and Ajay

No Time to Type

I am officially the worst blogger on earth.  Two kids + spouse + work = zero downtime (literally zero) for Terry. 

I have been out of town every week since we returned.  This week I was in New York City and the three weeks prior in Los Angeles.  We have been lucky to have Steve's mom or my mom here consistently since we returned.  This gives Steve the opportunity to go to bed at around 7pm, with grandma doing the 10pm feed, and then Steve gets up at 2-3am when they wake for their night feed, and pretty much stays up...maybe a nap on the sofa, but up and about none the less.  This means I go on weekend duty.  As an example, I landed at the Dallas airport around 10pm on Friday night.  So, everything on my to do list for yesterday - including a fantasy trip to the gym, did not materialize.  All is good, no complaints, but for all of you on the 'twin pregnancy' count down...grab some shut eye boys and girls and wrap up any projects at work that you can...you will soon be in an all new time and space!  You soon have to reshuffle all priorities.  A close friend of mine yesterday said that she didn't know what she did before she had her kids (they are both teenagers now).  She said, 'I thought I was so busy, but now I realize how much time I wasted'.  It is so true.  I must confess that I have not even gone onto blogger in 2 weeks - not to read, not to write.  So, I am attempting a quickie catch up on everyone's lives in this brief moment of quiet.

Steve has started to do some planting before it gets too cold...this is a great time to plant in Texas because the spring seasons is followed so quickly by intense heat.  Everything gets much better rooted in the fall - provided you plant things that are cold hardy.  We lined the back fence with black bamboo and built a wall of star jasmine.  By next summer we should see some nice growth.  He's off to Home Depot now for some planting supplies and I am trying to finish the quick blog post before a child demands to be burped, changed, fed, held or otherwise entertained.

All this said - WE LOVE BEING DADS!!!

Steve's mom left this weekend and headed back to Atlanta.  My mom arrives back this Wednesday and will be here through Thanksgiving.  My dearest girlfired and her husband and 6 year old son arrive one week from today and will be here 10 days...so the rotating door of free child care continues...thank God for our friends and family!!! We love you!!

The boys had their 2 month check up last week and both weigh approximately 5kg (11 pounds)!  They are the biggest pigs I've ever seen.  They have so many fat rolls on their necks that it takes two adults at bath time to get at all the dried milk (which smells of dirty socks I might add).  Jag barely has a neck - he goes from chin to chest with five rolls between.  For some reason they both pee on me at most every diaper change - not on Steve, just on me.  Case in point...I just left my computer to tend to Ajay who was fussing.  Low and behold, he had a blow out in his diaper - this one was messy beyond messy - and just as I took off the diaper, the water fountain hit me right in the face.  Twice in the tub last night I had the same face wash.  Is it me?  LOL.

Boy oh boy are they cute though...newest development is that they smile at us when they see us and hear our voices...all the time!  It just melts your heart!

Here they are at 9 weeks - taken yesterday...

And, here we have Ajay whispering secrets to Jag...would love to know what they are saying to one another!

The Best of Times

It is quiet right now.  It is a little after 10pm and everyone is sleeping but me.  The television is on mute and all I can hear is the hum of the fridge.

I hate it.

You would think I would relish the calm, but I like the opposite.  All the activity and the noise - kids, dogs - it makes me feel so alive.  Hard to explain.  I've never minded being alone but boy do I love having a family.  A family - WOW - never thought that could be mine, but it is.  Amazing.

The boys are 7 weeks old today and they are growing so fast it is remarkable.  We haven't weighed them recently but they have outgrown all the newborn clothes and are too big for Stage 1-2 Pampers!  Jag is well over 10 lbs and Ajay is catching up quickly.  They eat 5-6 oz (around 175ml) at every feeding!!  They are sleeping pretty well - consistently feeding at around 1:30am and then making it through to early morning.  We are really lucky.

 Jag

 Ajay

 Bennett

 Raleigh

 Lucy

That's five mouths to feed...before Steve and I even get a morsel for ourselves! I wouldn't have it any other way...

Never before has it been so attainable for a same sex couple to have the opportunity to have what so many take for granted...children...to love, teach and share this beautiful life with.  In so many ways, we are living in the best of times.  Growing up gay is difficult.  If you are raised with any semblance of faith in God, you are concerned at some point that you are a mistake or sick or not worthy of heaven.  I was well into my twenties before I ever felt completely comfortable in my own skin. There is so much in the news media right now about gay teens and the sky rocketing suicide rate - four times the rate of their straight counterparts.  I pray for the day when everyone will know that God doesn't make mistakes and all these troubled kids (of which I was once one) will know they are loved and that it does get easier and that you can live a fulfilling life in a society that generally denigrates your circumstances.  I was having a conversation with a very important person in my life recently.  He is intelligent and provocative and he asked me - 'if you knew one of your boys was born gay, and you could, with the wave of a magic wand, change him, and make him straight, would you do so without anyone, including your son, knowing what you had done?' Without a second of thought, I responded - 'absolutely'.  Now, this is very different than asking me if I care whether they were born gay or not.  I could care less.  They are my kids and I love them unconditionally.  If they are straight, I pray they will be tolerant of all human beings' differences.  If they are not, I pray we will be worthy role models for learning to live life to the fullest in a world that is not nearly as compassionate or empathetic as one would hope.  Progress is slow, but we are making big steps forward and if ever there was any question, we are living proof. 

And, we are having a blast!  It is so much work but Steve has more energy than a ten year old so he is hardly phased.  I have been traveling like a crazy person for work and my mom has been Steve's sidekick.  There is little time for anything except babies and work.  I cannot believe we have been home for three weeks and I have not posted on the blog.  No time.  When I do have a spare moment I just sit and stare at the boys - I can look at them for hours and never get bored.  When I was in LA last week I would look at videos and photos of them every night before I went off to sleep and each time I would get just a little teary eyed.  We love them so much it hurts.

Leaving Delhi.  Jag passed out on my luggage.  The new international airport is stunning.  It rivals any airport in the world - efficient, clean and modern.  Last year you had to navigate a barrage of farm animals to even get thru to the terminal!

'Where's the Mother?'

I kid you not, we must have been asked this question in excess of 50 times.  I kid you not!  It started with the security at the entrance to the airport and continued with every Indian national that walked past.  It became offensive at some point.  We had our story.  Each time we were asked we replied 'at home, she's at home'.  Some puzzled looks, some further questioning.  Some accepted and walked away.  For a select few, the interrogation continued.  A couple of times I got carried away with our 'tale of the missing mother'. I finally told one person she had to work and couldn't go with us!  Ugh.  I did not relax until the wheels left the tarmac and we were airborne.  The American Airlines flight attendants were amazing.  We were in business class and I had bulkhead seats (the airline blocked the seat next to me - so nice) and Steve sat across the aisle.  They will not allow two adults in one row with lap children because there are only three oxygen masks and that doesn't jive with four mouths.  They brought a bassinet for one and the other slept in the seat next to me.  Several times the flight attendants took them for a period. One flight attendant held Ajay in the jump seat, fed him, changed him and let me sleep.  The 15 hour trip was really painless.

We appreciate India and thank God for the USA!

It is good to be home and good to be alive...

Farewell & Alvida

Well, after 5 weeks and some of the most memorable days of our lives, we are headed home.  We fly out tonight on a 12:15am flight - non-stop to Chicago and then a quick connection to Dallas.  We are so happy to get home but we will always have fond memories of our time in Delhi.  It is stressful, chaotic and foreign but it is also the home of our children's mother and birth mother and because of that it will always hold a special place in our lives.

 An image I won't soon forget!  I visited this location (the MHA) on four separate occasions.

Our investigation, which was required in order to issue the boys' visas, took exactly 8 days to complete.  We had wonderful help from Mr Chawla and his associate Radhika.  We paid extra money for expediting the process because we are eager to get home.  I suspect we could have saved the money and let Radhika work our case at a less frantic pace - if we had been comfortable staying another week, but no sense in second guessing after the fact.  I can tell you that it would have been stressful beyond belief to attempt to navigate the investigation without Radhika.  Even this morning, despite being assured our visas would be issued, there was a last minute scare.  We were at the FRRO almost an hour as Radhika ran between officials - appearing somewhat upset at times - leaving the room and returning. We feared for a bit that perhaps this was not over after all.  As it turns out, the officials are simply being extra, extra careful with the departure of these surrogacy babies.  Several signatures later and we paid the Rs 3700 ($83 USD) for the actual visas and were on our way. 

There is much speculation about why this happened but I can now share that it appears this is all the result of one couple who have tried to leave without paying their bill and it just happens they are SCI clients.  The odd thing is that this very person who is now stuck in Delhi has taken to posting nasty, anonymous comments on others' blogs and posting untrue details on forum message boards.  I have always, from the day I started this blog, worked at telling the truth - not sugar coating - but always trying to find the positive in a very challenging, emotional process.  Why on earth does this person feel the need to single us out for persecution?  Why would this person blame their troubles on Dr Shivani?  I don't know this person and God knows I don't care to but I write this and ask that you please stop posting anonymous comments on my blog and others'.  I will NEVER publish them anyway so save your time - use your time trying to dig yourself out of your own mess that you created and have now created for the rest of us.  And to satisfy you constant questioning - here are your answers - so grab a pen and paper Ms Anonymous...

1.  I do not work for Dr Shivani.  I love her dearly, but she is my doctor, not my employer.  We have a professional relationship whereby I paid her for services and she delivered them in a manner that exceeded our expectations - thus, I say nice things about her.  That's how it works.
2.  If you read my blog you would know I have a full time job, and fortunately, I make a nice income and don't need to try and claim referral business from the doctor in an attempt to offset my bill...unlike yourself.
3.   I received no discounts on our surrogacy package for saying nice things about Dr Shivani.  I think she is good at what she does, genuinely cares about her clients and I want to share that good news with others who are exploring options for building their family.
3.  Our surrogate was paid approximately $6,000 and this was all spelled out in the contract - how it was to be paid, at what stages of the pregnancy, etc. And, unlike you, we paid our surrogate.
4.  Yes, I care about whether or not our surrogate was paid.  I know she was paid because I was with her last week in person!  She provided us a signed affidavit stating she was satisfied and paid in full.  She took one whole day of her own time to accompany us to the MHA in an effort to expedite the boys' visas.  Does that sound like a surrogate who has been mistreated by her doctor?  Hardly.

Moving on.

We had a great visit with the SCI staff today and here are some photos as we bid farewell and final thank you to Dr Shivani and her wonderful staff.

Thank you again Dr Shivani for making our dreams come true.  We are forever grateful.  Much love from us and the boys always.

Dr Shivani (left) with Ajay and Shilpi (right) with Jag

Laxmi with Ajay