Friday, July 17, 2009

Worry No More, At Least for Now

Things here are oddly normal. It feels like we've been moving at warp speed for a few months now and all of a sudden we are both, um, well, calm. I am a worrier. Got it from my mother's side of the family - all a bunch of crazy worriers. I worry about everything. Suddenly, I am not worried - about anything. That doesn't mean, however, that my brain is not on overdrive, because I can assure everyone, it is.

I am always on the road - have been my entire career - but I have been home since returning from Chicago in mid-June. I can honestly say this is probably the longest I've gone without traveling, ever. I think I really needed the time with Steve to process what is happening. What is happening? Well, lots of's a short list of things that fall into the category of 'things you consider after conceiving'...

  • Your own mortality
  • Your relationship with your parents
  • Things you said and/or did to your parents growing up - good, bad and indifferent
  • Your savings account
  • Your healthcare plan
And lots of subsets of topics relating back to the five above. It's really strange to shift, at 41 years of age, from considering only yourself and your partner, to suddenly considering an entire other person - who will be around (God willing) the rest of your life - and will be reliant on you! Not an earth shattering concept as we didn't go into this with blinders on, but holy crap! Which takes me to a short list of things that you 'consider less and less after conceiving'...

  • Planning a globe trotting holiday (a few examples might include Mardi Gras in Sydney, Halloween in New Orleans or Gay Pride in San Diego - which we are missing this weekend I might add)
  • Monthly trips to Barney's in Beverly Hills to buy a new frock or boots
  • The impending end of car lease and the excitement of picking out the next version convertible to sport around West Hollywood
No, these things, although entertaining activities for the past several years have become less and less so and now, with much joy, have been replaced by, respectively...

  • A family vacation - driving with my parents in their RV (as they do in their new found retirement) to some place like, say, Montana or Wyoming or Maine - or, perhaps, Euro Disney
  • Monthly trips to Bel Bambini (cool store with anything and everything for babies) in West Hollywood where all the stars shop and we can basically afford nothing, but love to look and pretend - we have selected a very cool, daddy diaper bag from there though
  • An obsession with 'gently used' SUV's and Wagons - currently entertaining an Audi wagon, but it has become a nice past time to surf the net in search of the most utilitarian choice for a new born
Life is good - not worry free - but certainly the most peaceful place I've been in years. The joy that accompanies the conception and continued growth of an unborn child, our unborn child, is the most intense joy imaginable. My goal is to attempt to be as 'worry free' as possible for the next 30 or so weeks because I know my mother's genes kick in shortly thereafter and I will, officially, be in worry mode from then on!

We have had no news on the pregnancy which is just fine with me - 'no news is, after all, good news'. I know the monsoons in Mumbai have made it very difficult for the Indian residents to move about, so I just pray our surrogate and her family are safe and taking care of one another through the challenges this weather brings to Mumbai each summer.

Finally, I find myself thinking a great deal about all of those Intended Parents who have not yet conceived or who have lost their babies before they were 'full term'. It is a core prayer at mass each Sunday for me. There is a level of guilt that accompanies our 'celebration' when so many others' journies are not yet celebratory. I pray for understanding and acceptance for each of them and continued thanks for the positive things we've been blessed with thus far.

To all who are expecting or still attempting to conceive - thoughts, prayers and warm wishes are sent your way. Four babies (that I know of) were born in India this week to Intended Parents from North America. Congrats to the twin boys heading home to NYC and the two little girls who are headed home to NY and Canada. It is so cool to read these people's stories, day after day, and then see the happy ending. Amazing, and hopefully inspiring to those who are still trying, to keep trying and never give up on their dream. I know we won't, no matter the outcome of this pregnancy.


Doug and Bill said...

Good to hear things are going well for you guys. I"m just wondering if you are through Planet Hospital and Rotunda? I only ask because we got a call from our case manager yesterday and she is leaving...and advised us not to stay with PH. I've been in contact with Rotunda and received replies from Dr. Gandhi and and Dr. Kadam before, so I feel comfortable going through them if we have to -- but just wanted to see what route you guys are taking. Thanks for sharing your experience, we hope to be pregnant after our trip to Mumbai September 16-30.
-Doug and Bill

Unknown said...

Oh, I could have written your post (or at least most of it!). So many of the same feelings..I kow how you feel. The worry, the change of priorities, the sadness for those who are still working on creating their families.

I am thankful that we have eachother to share the ups and downs!

Glad you are having a non eventful pregnancy! That is good news!


jon said...

As always, well said. The change will be major but we don't stop living, just our priorities shift a bit. But once he or she arrives and you look into those innocent eyes that will depend on its two daddies for all survival, your consciousness and awareness will shift to a completely different plane.

Just a few more weeks till you pass the first trimester WALL, after that the odds are in your favor for a successful pregnancy.

The surrogates are housed in an area of Mumbai south of Bandra that is safe from flooding, so rest assured they are in a good place given all the chaos occuring in some areas with flooding. But these past few days, the rains have subsided and people are back to normal and able to get around without restrictions.

Will continue to pray and send you guys and that little angel waves of positive energy!

Terry & Steve said...

Doug/Bill - thanks for your comment(s). I just read your blog and attempted to post a reply but I think you need to adjust your settings because it will not allow it. To answer your question - we are not using PH - no reason other than we didn't feel we needed their service. We have worked directly with Rotunda. SO EXCITED for you guys - VERY COOL!!

Doug and Bill said...

Hi Terry, I think I fixed the posting comments problem. I'm new at this blog stuff so I'm chalking it up to being part of the total experience we are going through right now. It's good to hear that you are working directly with Rotunda and you feel good about it It looks like that's what we'll do as well. In fact, after I posted on our website I've received two emails from Rotunda (Dr. Kadam and Dr. Goral) and this was unheard of from PH.

There is so much excitement surrounding these births in India...for the IP, for gay couples, for the families that these children will be brought into! I can't tell you how awesome it is to know there are others out there doing this as well. It will keep me sane as we take these next steps and (God willing) become pregnant in the fall.

I'll be back to check for more news...take care, Doug

Doug and Bill said...


Did you guys have any type of contract before you wired the money to Rotunda? They are asking for fees for the following:

Rs. 60,000--- Recruitment of a surrogate , payable to Rotunda

Rs.150,000---- Fees for preparation of the surrogate, payable to OGI Sperm Bank

Rs. 90,000---- IVF cycle fees , payable to Rotunda.

Rs. 7,000-----Pathology, payable to Rotunda

Just want to see if there is any type of paperwork we can sign, a contract or something, so we have some type of recourse. We are confident they are a reputable but just making double sure.

You an always email me at if you want to communicate that way. Or on here is fine, too.


Mandy said...

Oh, you post brought tears to my eyes towards the end, where still many of us and continuing our journey and knowing we have the supports of fellow IP's is such a great feeling. Dont ever feel bad for your positive news, we all celebrate with you guys and we know you guys will in return. For many of us its just taking a bit longer thats all. We will be there one day as well. Thank you for your kinds words of support for those who are continuing the journey.

PS- I must have the same gene you inherited from you mama, because i inherited it from mine. She is a worry wreck. And i am too at times. LOL

Chaya said...

Hey there,

I am new to reading your blog, but let me introduce myself. I am Chaya, and I am the one here in Mumbai with my daughter waiting to get back home to Canada. You must be so exited for your upcoming family expantion! It is an awsome thing to be a parent, this is my second child so I speak with great knowledge!! I love your list of things that will change when you have a makes me think of the same things that I went through when awaiting the birth of our first! Just know that there is always a little time to sneak to Barneys for a little shopping (one must never forget the indulge every once in a while!) And yes, it is difficult at first to give up the sports car, but you will soon find that alot more can fit into the trunk of SUV after a good shopping trip than in a tiny two seater!!! you should take a look at the new Mercedes SUV, it really is a nice drive, and it comes with lots of toys to keep you looking cool! I look forward to watching your progress, and dont worry about your surrogate, this whole monsoon thing is really over exagerated. Its more like little tropical storms that blow through so quickley!