Sunday, November 22, 2009

On To Chapter 3

I've had a week to get comfortable with the idea.

On Monday, Dr Shivani called to tell me there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound - at 6 weeks, 5 days - since egg retrieval. We agreed to wait until Saturday (which was yesterday) just to be sure. Again, no heartbeat.

I was away on an extended, 8 day business trip when the news arrived Monday. The timing was rotten for Steve and I to be apart, but we managed to support one another via phone. Steve is always positive and rarely dwells on disappointments, but this time around I could tell he was having a hard time. He held onto hope all week.

It would be really easy to feel sorry for ourselves - super easy. I can't lie and say we haven't asked aloud 'why'. At the end of the day, though, there are a ton of people in the world facing far greater difficulties than this - it is important to keep perspective. We are strong and so is our relationship. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, and we also knew we were in it for the long haul. So, we will keep trying.

I feel so badly for our surrogate, but Dr Shivani assures me she is doing well. We will now wait for her to be prepared for another cycle. Remarkably, this will likely happen within 5 weeks or so. Given that we didn't have any embryos frozen (same story in both our 2 cycles), we will be selecting a new egg donor.

So, there you have it. Not great news to report, but we are doing just fine and feeling very positive. I do wish we had a crystal ball though - so we could see how long this journey will take - but, as I said in the last post...Patience.


Johnny and Darren said...

Oh guys this is disappointing news. At least you are preparing for chapter three.

Edward said...

So sad to read your news. When I hadn't seen an update in a while, I feared the worst for you guys.
Please accept our sincere condolences and prayers.
Best wishes for your next cycle.
Edward & Paul

George said...

sorry to hear guys
i know its hard but keep looking forward
it will happen


Trea said...

So sorry to hear this news it seems that some of us just don't get lucky.....and some do. It is impossible to know why and whilst for many many years I have done this I know that at the end of the day it doesn't actully get you anywhere except further down in despair. We r on our 5th attempt at this crazy game so we can certainly empathize with you. Hang in there. Cheers trea

Fredrik said...

So sorry to hear your negative news! We do know how you feel. We also got a negative response a few days ago and it feels so unfair. I do hope you will try again. We are in contact with Dr S to make a third attempt. Good luck to you!

Todd said...

I've been waiting for your update and feared the news was not good.

Our heartfelt condolences to you. Your feelings about "why" and the unfairness of this all are valid and entirely understandable. It is great though to hear that you are being strong for each other and are keeping your sights on the long-term. Take care.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear your news. My thoughts are with you both. J.

jojo said...

I'm so sorry guys. Having gone through 3 bad experiences myself, I can understand how you're feeling. But I think you have a wonderful attitude and I know that this is a minor hurdle in your quest to become dads.

5 weeks will go quicker than you realise and if my calculations are correct, that means you'll be tansferring at Christmas. Surely miracles will happen then!

Much love to you both. xxx

Greg, Rob and Our Little Girl. said...

Hi Guys, So sorry to hear about this. We are so happy that you are going through another cycle. This will work out for you two. This process is an emotional roller coaster. Try to stay strong and have positive thoughts. The best part about it is that you are the Christmas Eve boys and your next transfer will be around then. So may that bring great results. Keep us posted. We are all here for you!!

Greg and Rob

Phoenix said...

This is really disappointing news. I was hoping all week too. Hope is so important through this journey. I wish there were guarantees and I wish you could just get pregnant and stay pregnant first time, no troubles. But as you say, you're in there for the long haul, and you will get there. Much love xxx

Rhonda and Gerry W said...

Sending hugs your way.

Kerrie and Mark said...

Sorry to read the latest...just sucks.

Niels and Alexander said...

Hi guys,
What a shitty news.
In the end your perseverance will pay off.
I really hope next time will be your time!
Sending good thoughts your way.

mehdirah said...

Too bad...courage guys, in my case, the third attempt was thoe good one.

jojo said...

you are both so gorgeous! thanks for your sweet, sweet comment on my blog xxx

Danielle said...

I was so sorry to read this news. My thoughts and prayers are with you.