Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Ten Weeks - Twins

I cannot believe it has been a month since my last post.  Yes, I have been very busy with work, but the truth of the matter is that I have been unable to think about posting until I knew the fetal reduction was complete.  I must say the entire notion of losing one of the triplets - intentionally - has been a very tough thing for me.  As a Catholic, being right in the midst of the Lenten season, my emotions have ran the gamut on this issue.  On the one hand, I feel as though we were wreckless by transferring four embryos - on the other hand, we do not have an infinite pipeline of money for future attempts at conceiving.  And then there is our age - At 42 and 41 we need to do this now or not at all.  I have justified myself inside and out.  I am not going to make this post all about the 'pro-life' or 'pro-choice' psyche, but suffice it to say, I've been very touched by this entire development and it has forever altered my sensitivity to a woman's right to choose.  It has not changed my position on this issue, but it has moved me in a way that is inexplicable.

All that said, the procedure is complete.  We received a text from Dr Shivani this morning that let us know that the prognosis for the surrogate and our twins was positive.  These days we pray that these are, in fact, 'our babies'...the ones that fate has written as our destiny.  I am still struggling to accept this as reality.  Neither of us ever really believed it would be possible for us to have a family until we found surrogacy in India.  As much as we read about all those ahead of us who have brought home babies - or are about to do so - it still seems like an unlikely possibility.  Maybe that is just us being guarded so if something goes wrong we are not devastated.  So, here we are at 10 weeks - 3 weeks until we tell an extended group of friends and co-workers about our news.  God, please let these be our babies.  We will love them more than anyone can imagine.



Edward said...

We're hoping and praying and wishing only good things along with you!

I'm terrified for the prospect of a reduction in our pregnancy. It's such a contradiction of feelings to hope for nature to take charge after so many prayers to become pregnant in the first place.

But we've tried to frame it with the knowledge that there isn't a choice to be made. It was already decided before we started this process....but it's still very scary and painful to think about. We appreciate your candor in sharing this part of your journey.

But, in any event, now is the time to celebrate your ongoing twin pregnancy and the wondrous times to come in just 6 short months!!!

Best of everything for each next step!

Stephaniekb said...

I totally understand all the emotions you're going through, even without being Catholic. Choice is one thing to think about theoretically, and entirely different when it is your own, much anticipated and much loved babies. So happy to hear that all went well; hope the rest of the pregnancy is uneventful.

Danielle said...

Congratulations! As a Catholic too, I know that this process must have been so hard for you. All five of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jason and Adrián said...

I'm glad it's over; I was hesitant to ask. Even for the non-believers among us, I think it's difficult to want a child so much and then have to eliminate the possibility of one.

All our best.

jojo said...

You are such a sensitive soul - so compassionate and loving. I've been thinking of you both during this tough time.

I don't have any words that will make your pain disappear, but I do know that your babies will grow up in a space of complete and utter love and devotion. They will be the luckiest babies around.

We all take that gamble when we transfer four. We're all potentially in the same boat as you, my friend. Don't let that Catholic guilt get the better of you! You're doing what's needed to give your twins the best chance at life.

Big cuddles. xxx

WendyandTyler said...

You have all been in our prayers, and will continue to be. I can only imagine how hard it was for you - it is one of our fears as we move forward as well. I'm just SO happy to hear that your twins and surrogate are doing well, and can't wait to hear all of the exciting updates in the coming months!

Phoenix said...

What a difficult time for you. But it is done, so time to move forward and think of the babies you have. They will be very-loved. I understand by what you mean, it's difficult to believe you will be parents. At 21.5 weeks I still fear something going wrong. And it doesn't seem real to me. I don't think it will actually be real until i meet our little one in june.

TJ said...

I'm very glad to see this update. I've been thinking about you guys and had a feeling that you were waiting for the SR results before you posted. So, we're both expecting twins in five to six months. Yay for us!

Angelicamom said...

Terry and Steve, my heart goes out to you. We just had to go through the same thing. For me, right now, there are not words. I send you all the love and light.

Doug and Bill said...

This whole thing is a process and while Bill and I haven't accomplished one single pregnancy, I watch all our friends' failures and successes like they were our own. So celebrate the good times, baby, c'mon! (sorry a little KC and the sunshine band there). What you all do now give us the motivation to move'll happen just give it some time! Happy HUMP Day!

Will and Michael said...

We are so happy to see this update also.

We understand that you are guarded, we are also and only in our two week wait awaiting our fate. It is human nature to protect yourself and prepare yourself for bad news especially if you look back and think what you guys have been through.

The journey is definitely not an easy one (and you are more aware of that than most of us) but hopefully the outcome for us all will be happy and joyous ones and you do have two big reasons two celebrate.

Enjoy the two positives and don't beat yourselves up!!!!!!