Friday, October 29, 2010

The Best of Times

It is quiet right now.  It is a little after 10pm and everyone is sleeping but me.  The television is on mute and all I can hear is the hum of the fridge.

I hate it.

You would think I would relish the calm, but I like the opposite.  All the activity and the noise - kids, dogs - it makes me feel so alive.  Hard to explain.  I've never minded being alone but boy do I love having a family.  A family - WOW - never thought that could be mine, but it is.  Amazing.

The boys are 7 weeks old today and they are growing so fast it is remarkable.  We haven't weighed them recently but they have outgrown all the newborn clothes and are too big for Stage 1-2 Pampers!  Jag is well over 10 lbs and Ajay is catching up quickly.  They eat 5-6 oz (around 175ml) at every feeding!!  They are sleeping pretty well - consistently feeding at around 1:30am and then making it through to early morning.  We are really lucky.






That's five mouths to feed...before Steve and I even get a morsel for ourselves! I wouldn't have it any other way...

Never before has it been so attainable for a same sex couple to have the opportunity to have what so many take for love, teach and share this beautiful life with.  In so many ways, we are living in the best of times.  Growing up gay is difficult.  If you are raised with any semblance of faith in God, you are concerned at some point that you are a mistake or sick or not worthy of heaven.  I was well into my twenties before I ever felt completely comfortable in my own skin. There is so much in the news media right now about gay teens and the sky rocketing suicide rate - four times the rate of their straight counterparts.  I pray for the day when everyone will know that God doesn't make mistakes and all these troubled kids (of which I was once one) will know they are loved and that it does get easier and that you can live a fulfilling life in a society that generally denigrates your circumstances.  I was having a conversation with a very important person in my life recently.  He is intelligent and provocative and he asked me - 'if you knew one of your boys was born gay, and you could, with the wave of a magic wand, change him, and make him straight, would you do so without anyone, including your son, knowing what you had done?' Without a second of thought, I responded - 'absolutely'.  Now, this is very different than asking me if I care whether they were born gay or not.  I could care less.  They are my kids and I love them unconditionally.  If they are straight, I pray they will be tolerant of all human beings' differences.  If they are not, I pray we will be worthy role models for learning to live life to the fullest in a world that is not nearly as compassionate or empathetic as one would hope.  Progress is slow, but we are making big steps forward and if ever there was any question, we are living proof. 

And, we are having a blast!  It is so much work but Steve has more energy than a ten year old so he is hardly phased.  I have been traveling like a crazy person for work and my mom has been Steve's sidekick.  There is little time for anything except babies and work.  I cannot believe we have been home for three weeks and I have not posted on the blog.  No time.  When I do have a spare moment I just sit and stare at the boys - I can look at them for hours and never get bored.  When I was in LA last week I would look at videos and photos of them every night before I went off to sleep and each time I would get just a little teary eyed.  We love them so much it hurts.

Leaving Delhi.  Jag passed out on my luggage.  The new international airport is stunning.  It rivals any airport in the world - efficient, clean and modern.  Last year you had to navigate a barrage of farm animals to even get thru to the terminal!

'Where's the Mother?'

I kid you not, we must have been asked this question in excess of 50 times.  I kid you not!  It started with the security at the entrance to the airport and continued with every Indian national that walked past.  It became offensive at some point.  We had our story.  Each time we were asked we replied 'at home, she's at home'.  Some puzzled looks, some further questioning.  Some accepted and walked away.  For a select few, the interrogation continued.  A couple of times I got carried away with our 'tale of the missing mother'. I finally told one person she had to work and couldn't go with us!  Ugh.  I did not relax until the wheels left the tarmac and we were airborne.  The American Airlines flight attendants were amazing.  We were in business class and I had bulkhead seats (the airline blocked the seat next to me - so nice) and Steve sat across the aisle.  They will not allow two adults in one row with lap children because there are only three oxygen masks and that doesn't jive with four mouths.  They brought a bassinet for one and the other slept in the seat next to me.  Several times the flight attendants took them for a period. One flight attendant held Ajay in the jump seat, fed him, changed him and let me sleep.  The 15 hour trip was really painless.

We appreciate India and thank God for the USA!

It is good to be home and good to be alive...


Ian and Landon said...

Congratulations guys! I've been silently following your blog throughout your journey. Now that you're home I had to post a comment. It's an inspiring story. You have my partner and I now dreaming (and saving) for our own family. Thanks for sharing your journey! We wish your happy family all the best life has to offer.

Will and Michael said...

The boys are adorable and definitely look like they are growing quickly....

Can not wait!!

Tigerlilycat said...

And you think you have no time now (insert evil laugh)?!?! Other than the incredible sleep deprivation, we're rudely learning that this was actually the easiest part. Love, love the photo of Jag on your luggage. And they are both looking so well. Congratualations daddies!!

And thank you for continuing to share a glimpse into your private lives. It would be amazing one day if you were able to meet with some troubled gay kids and show them first hand how great life can be, and how you can achieve anything you want to.

Kerrie and Mark said...

This is a great update. You are all home together, living life. This is the eventual dream we all want. I am so proud that you stuck it out, never gave up and succeded. For new people who happen upon your blog, they would have no idea of the past unless they dug thru to older posts. The boy (ok all of you) are uber adorable!!!

Phoenix said...

They are such healthy looking little chubbies. Just gorgeous. Good to see you home and having a blast, and so glad you're alive!

TDF said...

Congratulations, the boys are beautiful :) We are in Mumbai at the moment and transferred embryos today so have had a great time reading through your blog. Tks :)

Edward said...

It's wonderful to see the joy in your words from home!
Best wishes as you settle into your new home with your new family.
I still can't get over the head of hair!!!! The pups have nothing on Jag!

Twins4Abed said...

Welcome home boys. It is so nice to read an update from you guys. I wondered what was it like for the rest of your journey coming home. I'm glad it was smoothed ride home and your home safe. The babies are so adorable. Congrats!

Stephaniekb said...

Amen to your sentiments about what a wonderful time this is for all of us who don't have the capability to reproduce on our own -- gay or straight. I think that all of the "it gets better" campaign is really helping to raise awareness that we're all the same, just under the surface. Your post about the airport made me remember just how amazing the feeling was of getting back to "home turf" after dealing with India. The boys are super-adorable and you all deserve every bit of happiness you're enjoying.

Anonymous said...

I am so proud and so very happy for my brother and Teri!! You two are amazing and one that I look up to! You have given these precious little ones life and I know they will be loved to the ends of the earth and back. I can't wait to hold my nephews...please tell them to stop growing so fast! AND I have had a talk with God...he loves ya'll and don't worry about tomorrow because He is already there for us and will take care of us! Liam cannot stop talking about his new cousins....much love always...Stacey

Mandy said...

They are just so divine! Glad everything is going well. Love the post, as always!

Danielle said...

They are so cute and both look like they have professional haircuts already. How did you work that out? Congratulations on your beautiful family.

jojo said...

You are a family. Hooray!! And a breathtakingly beautiful family at that.

I'm so happy for you. Goodness, Christmas Eve is going to be CRAZY at your house!! haha


Doug and Bill said...

I don't know how I missed this post and why I went back to your blog to read it (actually I do know why, I was taking another peak at your beautiful children!), but I have to say it struck me when you talked about waving "a magic wand". When I came out to my mother she asked me the same question and I said "yes". It was always her biggest worry that I would be hurt because I was gay.

Recently I came across something that also struck me, and she would have so appreciated if she were still alive. The "It Gets Better Project" started by a guy named Dan Savage is a great place for young gay kids to understand that life does get better. Here is he and his partner's youtube channel and their video, if you haven't seen it already:

Thought I would pass it along...take care and happy holidays!

D and B